To buy or not to buy?

This in white x gold plz. Navy x gold would be cool with me too. The bonnet's silly so you can keep it.

This entry will be both about my dream dresses and a dilemma I ran myself into. Note that I'll only show pictures of dresses I don't have, or haven't replicated, therefore there won't be f.ex. VM's Fairy Chiffon Doll or MM's Bisque Doll that otherwise are my dream dresses still.

Everyone pretend to be surprised that this is one of my dream dresses! In reality I wouldn't even fit in it, but a girl can dream.

So: to buy or to sew it myself? There did not used to be such a question for me at all: whatever I wanted I simply made myself. Ordering lolita was troublesome and all too expensive, I felt, and eventually that turned into some kind of a default setting. Why buy. I can make it myself. Even if I never will. I've done that countless of times: first falling in love with an item of clothing, considering buying it even and then... this little voice would always creep into my head. All of a sudden the price seemed expensive and fabric would come much cheaper, and that that dress would not be that difficult to make. I would then quickly lose all interest I had in owning the dress. It was simply not worth seeing trouble for if it was something I could make myself. Sometimes I did, more often I forgot to, and had things continued this way I would still not wonder which I like better, store-bought or self-made. Perceived necessity makes everything so amazingly simple because no matter how much I love something, if I think I cannot afford it, then, well, sad.

 

There's something about this general shape that I really, really love.

Except that then I fell in love for a certain brand piece for the first time ever: AP´s Puppet Circus OP in white. No surprise right, it's the dress everyone wants and people have proven perfectly willing to shed out 1000+$ for it - or for any colourway, as long as it's Puppet Circus. After that more followed: Bodyline's Love Nadia f.ex., which I eventually scored from Enfant Terrible sales (thank you for the person who sold it to me!) since the blue colourway was long sold out by then. My ETCs. And boy am I happy with all my purchases!

Meta, vintage children's dress and IW's current everyone's favourite.

However, I set myself up for something unforeseen during my years of self-making: now everybody's come to expect that of me. I'm the one who always sews her own, so naturally the first question I heard when I wore my pink ETC to school was "Did you make it yourself?". Same question comes up whenever I'm in lolita, no matter how obvious it ought to be it cannot be self-made.

Funny that. My dream dresses seem to be mostly IW and Meta even though my favourite lolita brand is Mary Magdalene.

I feel an odd sense of shame every time I have to answer that in fact, no, I did not make it myself. Almost immediately the same small voice in my head asks: "And why did you not?" and I have no good reply. Perhaps I could have made them myself, but very likely I would not have. Maybe it would have been cheaper that way, but would also have been very troublesome. Maybe I could have learned new things trying to replicate them, maybe I would have received much hype and honour for a successful copy of the strawberry dress, maybe maybe maybe. Thinking that way is completely useless. What about those maybe-situations, they never came to be, can't I be just as happy with my purchase? I know I certainly love strutting my stuff downtown and I see no reason why I shouldn't just because I didn't make it myself.

Do not laugh, for it is perfection. DX

Well, if logic ever helped overcome problems of the will then things would be simple again, but alas that does not happen. I don't think I'll be buying more dresses for a while, at least not before I've finished the ones I've in the making and that one skirt I drew a week ago. I'm not giving any promises to not buy shoes or bags, however, come to think of it I really do need some brown ones...